I just want to say that I have a sincere respect for people in the software industry. Man, just when there is something that is going right...there is always something that goes wrong. It's like messing with an engine or bike parts. Whew...that shit can just make your hair go white (I'd be pulling it out long time ago).

The patience...determination and follow through...I mean...It's not enough to get it right....it has to work for several scenarios. Putting out fires (fixing errors in the software) or tweaking this and that. Wow man, God bless these folks.

Total respect...absolute.

Otra Vez me encuentro victima de mis propias palabras. Hay veces que digo cosas que son mis mantras. Luego me encuentro en el lado malo de mis propias mantras,propias palabras. Siempre digo que son los "hechos" y no los "dichos" que valen. Sin embargo, yo me he fallado a mi mismo en cuanto estas palabras.

Tengo que ser testigo a esto. No quiero ser hipocrita con palabras. Pues palabras tienen una forma de venganza con uno mismo.

No vale la pena pedir perdon. Quizas por verguenza,por orgullo. No importa. Lo mas importante es que me encuentro humillado de mis palabras y no creo que existe peor castigo que la propia consciencia de uno.

Tengo que aprender como callarme la boca, observar mas de mis hechos y....simplemente callarme.cierrar la boca y abrir los ojos,orejas y...si dios me guia....mi mente.

Disciplina viene atravez de repeticion y fe en un regimen. Tengo que recordarme de esto con mas frequencia.

Basta por hoy. Gracais a dios que el nos da otro dia para "renacer" "recuperar" "re-encontrarnos".

"Experience: That most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn." - C.S. Lewis

I'd like to translate the lyrics to this song some time. It gets the point across.

Gotta Vent here:

I never professed to being a computer whiz and maybe this venting comes from my ignorance or naivete. However, I don't like it when I get to a site and all of a sudden something takes control of my internet options and resets it so that when ever I request a new window to be opened, it goes to that site rather than to what I had set it for. Then, as if that's not enough, there are a bunch of pop ups that follow. I am impressed at how crafty and annoying this can be. Wow...the ability to go to MY computer and rearrainge MY settings to YOUR liking WITHOUT MY consent. 

I wonder if there is a way to just find out who these crafty individuals are and go over there and basically reset their BONES !  Lets see how they like it if I reset their bone settings for them such that whenever they try to use their bones again, my FACE would "pop up" in their minds - along with the extreme pain. Hey...it's no different than what they did to my property. Oh that's right, it's their bones, not a computer.

Hmm, maybe I should go fuck with their cars or homes then, and their relatives cars and homes (being that they also did the same to mine as well). All without their consent or knowledge.

Get the picture ?

There's alot behind that saying  "Don't mess with strangers". It's too bad strangers don't get even the old fashion way. Sometimes....just sometimes...they should.

o.k., enough venting. Thanks for reading this rant.

fotos: http://www.twin-towers.net

Today, two years ago.

I saw this morning the events in rememberance of that day. They say for some, it's been a lifetime. For others it's still a daily struggle to try and move on.  

Hoy, dos anos antes.

Yo vi esta manana los eventos en memoria de ese dia. Dicen que para algunos, ha pasado una vida en esos dos anos. Para otros, todavia es una lucha diaria en tratar de progresar con sus vidas.

Dear diary,

So I'm at work..doing my thing and my cell phone rings. I look at the screen and I don't recognize the number but I answer it anyway.

I hear a familiar vice. It was Weesie. my ex-girlfriend's cousin. This lady is now about in her early sixties and probably one of the most sweetest, nicest people I have ever met in my life. Years ago when I was with my beautiful blonde Southern girlfriend (yeah she was hot), I finally was given the introduction to the family and I definitely clicked with all of them. Weesie is Sandras' cousin and she was always the one who knew how the family tree went and well...there's always one in every family I guess. she was the sharp one who was always able to see both sides of arguments and blend in with all generations of the family.

She called me to tell me that she will be her in NYC soon for Sandra's wedding and that the entire family (probably the entire state of South Carolina) will be up here a few days before. A few years ago I took Weesie out to dinner along with Sandra (we had already been broken up for a while but we still respect mutual friendships and she knows that her family likes me and fortunately was cool with that).

We chatted for a bit and I asked the standard questions of certain people. She gave me a brief review on them and the rest of the family. I told her that I was looking forward to seeing her and some others when they get here.  Lots of love and we said our goodbyes.

I think back on all the time I spent bugging out when Sandra and I  broke up and I swore then that I wasn't going to do that again.  Sure enough I did  but to a lesser degree I think with another girl. Never again would I ever lose it like the way I did with Sandra.  Then again I don't think I was ever so in love with a girl in all my life. After that one, I hope to never be so in Love like that ever again. Sure we all say that....but this one to that degree ?....no way. Not good. I don't care what anyone says. Hell, my friends and family can attess to that one.

I just think back at it all and I just remember the pain and the time trying to get my shit together after Sandra. It was a good 4 years before I got into anything of any substance again. I do remember the good times but that seems so long ago and those memories are more faded than the pain that I went through with the break-up. That one was especially hard on me. After all, she was the one I wanted to marry. 

Hey..who knows? Maybe that went south for a reason. Whatever it is..it certainly took a toll on me. Oh yeah...it's an education..learning experience and all that. Uh-huh. sure..whatever.

I wish Sandra all the best and I hope that she enjoys the rest of her life to the fullest.

I wonder what it's going to be like to see Weeise again and maybe some of the rest of the family? I did see Sandra not too long ago at a mutual friends wedding. Saw her fiancee again and we all got along really well.

She did manage to get away enough to ask me to take her out to dance when the next Latin song comes on (we used to rock the dance floor no matter where we went). My ride came and we never got a chance to dance one final dance. So much for old times sakes.

Fuck it...fuck Love and all that mushy shit. All it does is wear you out.

As if life isn't tough enough.

With all my "love"

me